I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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