I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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