I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
