I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
