I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
