I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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