When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
