3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
