DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
