Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
