Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
