my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
