I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
