remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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