did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
