dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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