ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
