This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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