Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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