Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
