i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
