All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
