I'm so fucking centered right now
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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