please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
did i walk over a car last night?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
