Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
