I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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