took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
