kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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