Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
