Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
