Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
