I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
