to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
