he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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