hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
