can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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