I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
