Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
