well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
