Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
