he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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