I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
