Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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