Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
