I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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