She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
