Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
