Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
