i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
