you have to choose: penises or morals?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
