I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
