I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
